Date Posted: 14-02-2020

WFRP: Kemperbad Lonely Hearts Column

#Valentine #WFRPromance #WarhammerFriday

Love is in the air… even in WFRP? Check out these rather special lonely hearts and let us know who takes your fancy over on our Facebook and Twitter pages. Perhaps you’re an AAH or WTRTAWFO ?

Kemperbad Lonely Hearts Column

It is that time of the year when all hearts turn to considerations of love and passion, and so it often is in the Old World as well. It is a fact not widely known that, from 2405-2420 IC, the matchmaker Johan Weber in the town of Kemperbad did maintain a column for those individuals whose had trouble meeting other like minded individuals.

Below are a small selection of such texts, recovered from the remains of Johan’s printworks after it was burned to the ground by a mob in an action the town council later characterised as both ‘justified’ and ‘overdue.’

Abbreviations Guide

As it is both difficult and frustrating in the extreme work the plates of this Dwarf-cursed machine, here are the abbreviations of the most common expressions used, that we might make use of them in shortening all submissions henceforth.

Johan Weber, Editor

WLTM – Would Like to Meet; WAVTM – With a View to Marriage; HST – Has Several Teeth; MLO – Most Limbs Original; TNOE – Typical Number of Eyes; AAH – Altdorfer at Heart; WTRTAWFO – Willing to Relocate to Area with Fewer Orcs.

Lonely Hearts

Sir Loin in Ubersreik

Brettonian, not overly skinny, as seems the fashion these days. Own mace. WLTM taller person with appreciation for lakes.

Muddy Boots in Bogenhafen

Looking for good, decent, respectable character with a love of late night walks and asking few questions. Good back, must bring own shovel.

Never-You-Mind in Altdorf

Single, not a thief, few convictions, none that stuck. WLTM wealthy individual with aversion to locks, heavy sleepers preferred. AAH

Worried Aunt in Kemperbad

WLTM nice, respectable lady for my nephew, who has taken up with all sorts recently. Handsome boy, good cheeks. Must have appreciation for the colour purple, and not mind nights alone while partner engaged in unspeakable rites. Blonde preferred. – (Ed., add PEUR to the list of abbreviations, it keeps coming up.)

Widowed in Walfen

Recently widowed. Greenskins came to our homestead – slew three but the fourth took my dear Thomas. Good road frontage. WLTM decent fellow, tall, not a snorer. Must know how to parry wild backhand swing – you will be tested. WTRTAWFO

Missed Connections

Hat Fancier in Grunburg

You: Running from a Witch Hunter, twisting the winds of magic to shroud your escape in a choking fog. Me: A Witch Hunter, chasing you. Would like to meet, discuss matters personal and professional.

Cubicle 7 Entertainment Ltd. © Games Workshop 2020